The subject of friendship has been on my mind a lot lately. As a person with a Gemini astrological sign I 'should' be a person who can make friends easily, but alas such is not the case with me.
I have a few very close friends that I know I can always count on to be there when I need them. One in particular I have known for over 20 years; since I was 15. Another I have never met, in person, and another knows me better than I probably know myself in more ways than one or two. Those three are friends forever, I'm sure. Why? Why have we been able to form a life-long bond? Maybe the question should be, why have I aloud those people to be a part of my life. Because, here's the thing, I think I have trouble making friends for two reasons. First, I'm weird, sort of awkward. I like a lot of odd things, and I'm not always willing or able to just be myself because I'm afraid of being rejected. The people that are close to me tell me that I'm unique, amazing and very talented and sometimes I believe them. Which brings me to the second reason I think I have trouble making friends...My self-confidence isn't always up to par and when it is a funny thing happens I become too confident and people are turned off by that, especially women.
So some potential friendships have come and went with me left wondering why I let myself suffer like this. And then I wonder if I really want friends. Maybe I just want to hibernate with my crochet and good movies. Or maybe I'm just selfish and I want someone to put forth the effort to get to know me for once.
For now I'll be content with the friends I have and maybe when I'm done wallowing in self-pity some other good friends will come along to prove me wrong.
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